*i realised that i can't write like i used to anymore...it seems like my writing has become emotionless but i just can't seem to find the right words or the right way to express myself... but believe me... this post took a lot of effort out of me.. not for the reason i had to figure out how to write it.. but for the reason.. it hurts when i write it...so forgive me if i sound like an emotionless void or my writing lacks feelings...but i tried...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...*i hear your voice, on the line.........click*

hello?

do u want banana pie?

i want the starbucks one.

wah. no money lor!!

den nvm lar.

if no banana pie leh?

den nvm ler.

dont want anything else?

nope.

*click*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*ding dong*

*sits on toilet bowl and shits*

why u always come home also shit wan???!!

where got? maybe once a week only lor.

*sits on the bed*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*comes out of toilets*

*click click click click*

*pick up hp*

*snatches hp back*

NOTHING TO SEE LAR!!

DEN?! nothing why so scared for what!?!

because got nothing to see. you wanna see for what??

i like ark!! kenot meh!!

*hands over hp*

*browses and finds the reason why he was so afraid. he forgot to delete the message he sent her*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

come here la. *pats bed*

*lies down*

*hugs*

why are you here?

because i wanted to see you.

but you messaged her. why dont u go out with her.

because i wanted to see you.

you're lying. she didn't reply you only.

even if she did. yum cha also later lar.

dont talk so much lar. come here.

*hugs*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

actually how can u stay here and hug me knowing u just messaged her before you came?

*silence*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

i finally gave in and laid there while he hugged me but i refused to look at him... knowing there was something i had to do. i kept pushing him away. not forcefully but in a soft gentle manner and he ignored me and hugged me harder.

i made excuses. like showing him something on the computer. and he reluctantly agreed. after just browsing for about 5 minutes. he pulled me back onto the bed and hugged me. this time tighter still and turned me around to face him. i turned away. saying that it was hot.

i felt something heavy on my heart and tears sprung in my eyes but i held my ground. for the first time in nearly 2 yrs i didn't cave for i knew it had to be done.

why are you here?really? seriously?

U DONT WANT ME HERE IS IT?! DEN I LEAVE LAR!!

i just don't know why you're here.

THANKS!

*silence*

you want to break up so badly is it. DEN FINE LAR! U LIKE LAR.

i dont. it's you who wants it.

NO LOR! ITS YOUR DECISION LOR.

*silence*

*more silence*

*takes key and returns it*

this is mine?

its your house key. i made it last time. but you can have it back.

*takes key in silence*

i turned around refusing to look at him and burst into silent tears as he walked out my room. i could hear his footsteps echoing outside my room. i stood up and walked to my window crying and opened the door for him with my remote. i stood there watching waiting for him to walk out but he took longer than i had expected. i half turned expecting to see him by my door but it was just me wishing he would turn back and at least try to change my mind.

he finally walked out and more hot tears flowed silently down my face. i wanted to shout. scream. tell him i loved him and i didn't mean it. but nothing came out. nothing but a squeak and fresh tears.

i watched helplessly and he walked out my front gate and into his car. without even a 2nd glace back and looked at his face with a fresh feeling of regret but no.i loved him and this had to be done. i have to give him my last sacrifice. him.

he drove out my driveway and halfway past my house he let out a honk. i looked the opposite side expecting to see a car or something. to see what he was honking at and realised. his last honk. it was meant for me...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

baby look. its past midnight which means its the 10th of may. its the 1 yr anniversary of the day we finally realised just how much in love we really were.. =) .. do u remember? well. i do. and i will always remember..

nothings changed. i still love you as much as i did then. i miss you. i really do. but there's nothing else i can do. i've tried. i've tried my best to hold on. but it requires sacrifice. and i have given you everything. and now. im left with no choice. but to give you my last and final sacrifice. you.

im sorry and i love you.